In Adlerian therapy, one of the beliefs is that people are motivated by a desire to belong, feel significant, and be connected to others. When someone struggles with feelings of inferiority or disconnection, it can lead to unhealthy behaviors or emotional problems.
Here’s how the therapist helps a client fulfill the need to be valued and connected:
Builds a strong, respectful relationship
The therapist models mutual respect and encouragement. This safe relationship helps the client feel seen and accepted, which builds trust and reduces feelings of isolation.
Explores early childhood experiences
The therapist looks at the client’s “early recollections” and family dynamics to understand how their sense of value and belonging was shaped. For example, if someone felt ignored or overly criticized as a child, they might now act out or withdraw to protect themselves.
Identifies mistaken beliefs
Many clients develop faulty beliefs like “I must be perfect to be loved” or “I’m not good enough to be accepted.” The therapist helps the client challenge and replace these beliefs with more accurate, helpful ones.
Encourages social interest
Adler believed mental health improves when people contribute to others and feel part of a community. Therapists guide clients to engage in meaningful relationships, help others, or find ways to connect — like volunteering, joining a group, or repairing strained relationships.
Supports new behavior
The therapist and client set goals for change, such as being more assertive, asking for help, or improving communication. This helps the client build confidence and experience being accepted as they truly are, not for pretending or pleasing others.
A therapist with an Adlerian approach helps clients feel connected and valued by healing past hurts, changing false beliefs, and building healthier ways to relate to others.
Example:
M., 29 years old, comes to therapy because she feels anxious, lonely, and unimportant in her relationships. She says, “No one really cares what I think,” and often avoids social situations because she fears rejection.
Therapy process with Adlerian Approach in this case:
Building the relationship
The therapist listens with empathy and respect, showing genuine interest in Maria’s thoughts and feelings. Maria starts to feel that her voice does matter in this space. The therapist models what healthy connection looks like — being seen, heard, and respected.
Exploring early memories
The therapist asks Maria about her childhood. She recalls always being compared to her older sister, who got more praise. Maria says, “I felt invisible.” Maria learned to believe “I’m only valuable if I’m perfect” and started withdrawing to avoid criticism.
Identifying mistaken beliefs
Maria and the therapist work together to identify this hidden belief: “If I’m not exceptional, I’m not worthy of attention.” They explore how this belief leads her to avoid socializing and to assume people don’t care about her.
Encouragement and social interest
The therapist helps Maria test new beliefs, like: “I don’t have to be perfect to be valued.” She is encouraged to reach out to a friend and suggest a coffee meetup — a small, meaningful connection.
Practicing new behaviors
Maria starts setting boundaries and speaking up more at work. She joins a book club and even shares her opinions — something she used to avoid. With each positive experience, her confidence grows. She no longer sees herself as “invisible.”
Outcome
Maria begins to feel more connected, more valued, and less anxious. Her sense of belonging isn’t tied to being perfect — it’s tied to being authentically herself and engaging with others.
Attention! This is a hypothetical example and a fictional case that is meant to illustrate how Adlerian therapy works in a relatable, human way. Please contact a licensed mental health counselor for professional services.