We can only help IF we know that there is an intention. In case, when a person (your friend, partner, relative, co-worker, neighbor) lets you know about their suicidal thoughts or intentions and seeks for help, you can help by providing helpful resources to reach out. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Please continue reading.
Note: Take all threats of suicide seriously and call for help. Stay with that person, do not leave them alone.
If your friend or any other person does not disclose it or hides the signs, there is little that can be done. You can try and see if there are any warning signs that might indicate the intention.
Watch out for warning signs
Some urgent warning signs that need immediate attention are:
- Talking, writing or hinting about suicide
- Purchasing a tool that they are going to use for it, stockpiling pills
- Putting affairs in order, organizing documents, accounts, and such
- Big changes in mood and behavior or sudden calm
In addition to that, see if your friend or loved one has the following risk factors:
- Previous suicide attempts, self-harm or exposure to suicide
- Previous or ongoing abuse or bullying
- Problems in the family, relationships, school, work
- Financial problems, loss of home
- Mental health issues
- Inability to get mental help such as no insurance or money for treatment
- Addictions, substance abuse
- Loneliness, isolation, alienation
- Feeling of hopelessness, puproselessness
People, who are considering a suicide might:
- do not see a way out
- feel like they are trapped
- desperate for connections
- think that this is the only solution
- facing the problem is unbearable to them
Other warning signs might include:
- More than usual irritability
- Change in habits, appearance
- Express feelings of loneliness and despair
- Excessive worry and anxiety
- Increase in alcohol and other substances/meds use
- Their mind seems to be somewhere else
- Talking very negatively about life
- They do not want to hang out as much as before
- You notice some very sad or negative activity on social media
Start a conversation
If the warning signs are present it is recommended to start a conversation and ask directly about suicidal thoughts and plans. It can be really difficult and uncomfortable, especially because of the fear of making things even worse. But this is not the case and asking a direct question is very important to avoid confusion and misunderstanding. Ideally you need Yes or No response, as more often you can hear something unclear. Make sure that you find a good time and place for a conversation. You do not have to ask about suicidal thoughts right away. Starting with a simple sentence such as “You do not seem like yourself lately, are you ok?” is good enough. When that person mentions any problems, it is good to explore if they have any support to them. Such as seeing a doctor, monthly loan payments, joining some interest groups to make new friends.
What is next?
No matter how you find out about one person’s suicidal thoughts (they tell it themselves or you start that difficult conversation), the next steps would to to provide support resources and to let them know that they are not alone in it. In the next article, I will provide more information on what you can do to help them:
How to help a suicidal friend?
In addition to said above, listen empathetically to what that person is saying. Do not agree to secrecy, do not try to handle it on your own, do not wait, do not believe denials, do not criticize, do not judge, do not make it sound like the problem is not serious.