Therapy is a deeply personal experience. You’re encouraged to open up about your thoughts, feelings, past, and fears—often things you’ve never shared with anyone before. But what happens when your therapist starts sharing their own stories or emotions too often? Is it helpful, or could it be crossing a line?
Self-disclosure in therapy refers to the moments when a therapist shares something personal about their life, feelings, or experiences. This can be powerful and supportive in the right context—but when overused, it can make the therapy feel unbalanced, confusing, or even unprofessional. Understanding healthy vs. excessive therapist self-disclosure can help you protect your emotional space and recognize what’s best for your healing.
What is appropriate self-disclosure?
When used intentionally and sparingly, self-disclosure can help:
- Build trust and connection
- Reduce feelings of isolation
- Normalize a client’s experience
- Offer insight, modeling, or inspiration
For example, if you’re struggling with grief and your therapist gently shares that they once experienced a similar loss, it might help you feel understood and less alone. When done with care and relevance to your session, it can deepen the therapeutic relationship.
When does self-disclosure become too much?
Therapist self-disclosure becomes problematic when:
- It frequently shifts the focus from you to them
- Their stories feel irrelevant to your situation
- They talk more than they listen
- You feel responsible for comforting or reacting to their emotions
- You leave sessions feeling unheard, confused, or drained
In some cases, therapists may unintentionally start “using” the client for their own emotional processing. For instance, if your therapist often talks about their relationship issues, family problems, or career frustrations, it can feel like you’re the one doing the emotional labor.
This imbalance may create discomfort or even harm, especially if you begin to filter what you say in order to protect the therapist’s feelings—or if you find yourself offering support to them instead of receiving it.
What do the Codes of Ethics say
Both the American Counseling Association (ACA) and the American Psychological Association (APA) address therapist self-disclosure within their ethical guidelines, emphasizing that any personal sharing by a therapist must prioritize the client’s welfare.
The ACA Code of Ethics (2014) states that counselors must avoid imposing their own values, attitudes, or beliefs and should maintain clear professional boundaries that support the client’s autonomy and well-being.
Similarly, the APA Ethics Code (2017) stresses the importance of avoiding harm and maintaining objectivity, cautioning against dual relationships that could impair judgment or exploit the client. While self-disclosure is not strictly prohibited, it is considered ethical only when it serves a clear therapeutic purpose and does not meet the therapist’s own emotional needs.
If a therapist’s personal sharing causes confusion, shifts focus to their own experiences, or leads the client to feel burdened or uncomfortable, it may violate ethical principles. In all cases, therapists are encouraged to use supervision or consultation to ensure that their disclosures remain appropriate and in the best interest of the client.
Signs your therapist may be oversharing:
- They talk about themselves more than they talk about you
- They share details that feel unnecessary or off-topic
- You feel emotionally burdened or distracted by their stories
- The session seems to revolve around their experience, not yours
- Their disclosures feel like they’re seeking validation from you
- You often feel the need to take care of their feelings
Remember: therapy is YOUR space. The goal is for you to explore and grow—not to take care of your therapist’s needs.
Even with the best intentions, therapists can sometimes forget their role and shift the emotional spotlight inappropriately. If this is happening, it’s not necessarily a sign that they’re a bad person—but it may signal that your sessions aren’t serving you in the best way possible.
What can you do if this is happening?
It can feel awkward or intimidating to bring this up, especially since the power dynamic in therapy often favors the therapist. But if you’re comfortable, you can say something like:
“I’ve noticed that sometimes the conversation focuses on your experiences, and I’m not sure how it fits with what I need right now. Can we talk about that?”
A good therapist will welcome this feedback and either adjust their behavior or explore the concern with you thoughtfully. If they become defensive or dismissive, that’s a red flag.
When to consider switching therapists?
If the oversharing continues despite your attempts to address it—or if it’s causing you emotional harm—it’s okay to look for a different therapist. You deserve a space that centers your needs, experiences, and healing process.
Conclusion
Therapist self-disclosure can be helpful when used wisely and in service of your growth. But when it becomes excessive or self-serving, it can compromise the integrity of the therapeutic relationship. Trust your instincts. Therapy should always feel like a safe, client-centered space—and you have every right to protect it.