Empathy is the ability to understand and care about how someone else feels. It helps people build strong relationships, communicate with kindness, and offer support during difficult times. But when empathy is missing, it can create emotional distance, misunderstandings, and even long-term harm in relationships.
A lack of empathy means a person struggles to connect with or care about the emotions of others. They may seem cold, dismissive, or overly focused on their own needs. While no one is perfectly empathetic all the time, consistently lacking empathy can damage friendships, families, workplaces, and communities.
Signs of a lack of empathy
People who lack empathy may show certain behaviors, such as:
- Interrupting or ignoring someone’s feelings
- Making harsh or judgmental comments during emotional situations
- Showing little or no interest in others’ pain or success
- Blaming others without understanding their perspective
- Avoiding responsibility for how their actions affect others
- Seeming emotionally distant, even during serious or painful events
It’s important to remember that some people may not intend to be unkind—they may not even realize they’re being hurtful. In some cases, a lack of empathy may come from emotional wounds, stress, mental health challenges, or certain personality traits.
What causes a lack of empathy?
A lack of empathy doesn’t always mean someone is selfish or uncaring. It can come from a variety of causes, including:
Upbringing: People raised in emotionally distant or neglectful homes may never learn how to express or understand feelings.
Trauma: Emotional wounds can lead someone to shut down emotionally as a form of protection.
Mental health conditions: Conditions like narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), antisocial personality disorder, or autism spectrum disorder (ASD) may affect how empathy is experienced or expressed.
Stress and burnout: When someone is overwhelmed, they may become emotionally numb or focused only on survival, leaving little room for empathy.
Cultural or social conditioning: Some cultures or environments discourage emotional expression, especially for men or leaders, making empathy seem weak or unnecessary.
How lack of empathy affects relationships
When empathy is missing, relationships often suffer. The person on the receiving end may feel:
- Unseen or misunderstood
- Emotionally lonely, even when not physically alone
- Unimportant or dismissed
- Afraid to open up, fearing judgment or rejection
Over time, this can lead to resentment, emotional disconnection, and breakdowns in trust. In families, children raised without empathy may grow up struggling to express emotions or form healthy relationships themselves.
In workplaces, leaders who lack empathy may struggle to motivate teams or respond to employee needs, leading to low morale and high turnover.
Can empathy be developed?
Yes. While some people are naturally more empathetic than others, empathy can be learned and strengthened over time. With intention, curiosity, and self-awareness, people can become better at tuning into others’ emotions and responding with care.
Learn how to develop empathy in this article: What is empathy?
Practicing active listening, asking thoughtful questions, and reflecting on your own emotions are powerful ways to build empathy. Therapy, coaching, or emotional intelligence training can also help people who struggle with empathy learn new skills and perspectives.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), antisocial personality disorder, or autism spectrum disorder (ASD) develop empathy?
People with NPD often struggle with empathy—especially emotional empathy (feeling what others feel). They may seem cold or self-centered because their focus is usually on their own needs, image, or success. However, some individuals with NPD can develop better cognitive empathy (understanding how others feel, even if they don’t feel it themselves), especially through therapy. With awareness, motivation, and consistent treatment (like psychodynamic therapy or schema therapy), some narcissistic individuals can improve their ability to understand and respect other people’s emotions. Emotional empathy, however, tends to remain limited or inconsistent.
ASPD is often linked with a lack of remorse and difficulty caring about how others feel. People with ASPD may have normal or even high cognitive empathy—they can read others well—but they often use that understanding for manipulation, not connection. Emotional empathy is typically impaired or missing. That said, with intensive, long-term therapy, some individuals with ASPD can learn to recognize the value of other people’s emotions and reduce harmful behaviors. But developing deep, consistent empathy—especially emotional empathy—is rare and very difficult.
ASD is very different. People with autism do not lack empathy in the way people with NPD or ASPD might. Many autistic individuals actually feel emotions very deeply, but they may struggle with cognitive empathy—understanding what others are feeling based on social cues or unspoken expectations. Once they do understand someone’s feelings, they often respond with genuine care and compassion. With social skills training, experience, and supportive environments, people with ASD can absolutely develop strong, meaningful empathy.
Conclusion
A lack of empathy can create deep emotional wounds, especially in close relationships. It prevents meaningful connection and leaves people feeling unheard and unsupported. But empathy isn’t an all-or-nothing trait. It’s a skill—and like any skill, it can be developed. If you notice a lack of empathy in yourself or someone close to you, it’s not too late to grow. With small steps and honest effort, it’s possible to create stronger, more compassionate connections—one moment of understanding at a time.