Why Your Therapist Shouldn’t Be Giving You Advice — And Why That’s a Good Thing

When people seek therapy, they often come in overwhelmed, stuck, or desperate for relief. In this emotional state, it’s natural to want someone to tell you what to do. Many clients find themselves hoping their therapist will offer concrete advice, a clear solution, or even make decisions for them. After all, therapists are trained professionals — shouldn’t they know what’s best?

It’s a common misconception, but in most therapeutic approaches, giving direct advice is not considered ethical or effective. In fact, a therapist who regularly tells you what to do may be limiting your growth rather than supporting it.

Therapy is not advice-giving

Unlike a mentor, consultant, or friend, a therapist’s role is not to fix your problems for you. The goal of therapy is to help you explore your inner world, understand your patterns, clarify your values, and make informed, authentic decisions. A good therapist creates a space where you can arrive at your own conclusions — not depend on someone else’s opinion.

If a therapist simply gave you advice, you might experience temporary relief, but it could lead to long-term dependency. You may start feeling like you can’t make any life decision without first checking in with your therapist. Over time, this prevents the development of your own decision-making abilities and undermines your sense of agency and self-trust.

The danger of advice in therapy

Let’s imagine you’re struggling with whether to leave a relationship. If a therapist says, “You should leave,” and you follow through, who owns that decision? If it leads to unexpected consequences or regrets, you may blame the therapist — or feel lost again. But if you come to the decision yourself, based on your own self-exploration and emotional insight, you will likely feel more confident in your path, no matter how difficult.

Advice also imposes the therapist’s worldview onto your situation, and that can be harmful. Therapists have their own values, experiences, and biases. Giving advice can unintentionally shift your process in a direction that doesn’t align with who you are or what you need.

What a good therapist actually does

Rather than offering direct advice, a skilled therapist will:

  • Ask questions that help you clarify your thoughts and feelings
  • Reflect back what they hear, so you can see your situation more clearly
  • Support you in identifying your values and goals
  • Explore the consequences of different options with you
  • Empower you to take ownership of your choices

This process may feel slower than being told what to do, but it leads to deeper self-understanding and lasting change.

Adjusting your expectations

If you find yourself frustrated that your therapist won’t tell you what to do, it might be a good time to explore why that’s uncomfortable. Are you afraid of making the wrong choice? Do you doubt your ability to make decisions? Therapy is the perfect place to work through these fears and build confidence in your own voice.

In the end, therapy isn’t about outsourcing your power — it’s about reclaiming it. A good therapist won’t hand you a map, but they’ll help you learn how to navigate with your own compass. And that’s the kind of growth that lasts far beyond the therapy room.